‘I Realised on Wedding Night That my First Marriage Won’t Work’ — Dumebi Agbakoba

Olisa Agbakoba, Daughter of the senior advocate of Nigeria (SAN), Dumebi Agbakoba, has explained  how she struggled to keep her first marriage.

The professional chef, who spoke during a recent episode of #WithChude, said she tied the knot with her former husband in January 2011 but realised the union would not work on their wedding night.

She said on the night, she wished the marriage did not happen, describing it as “the biggest mistake.”

“We had the registry wedding on January 2011 in the garden, it was lovely. And that evening, I asked God ‘can you please take back time’ because that was the biggest mistake. That evening. I hate to say this on TV,” she said.

According to her, the development to unresolved “deep-rooted issues” on the part of her ex-husband took a toll on his emotions.

She said it was difficult for her to adapt, adding that “I closed off a part of myself to stay in the marriage.”

“Men are sort of given a pass in life that women aren’t given. So, you see, when men have trauma, they hide it with smoking and drinking and all sorts of other things, they never address it head-on,”

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“Whereas women, from kids, we are told you have to do it this way, you have to do it that way. Men don’t have the same… and so most of the time we have to move into marriage and think everything is fine but they’re deep deep deep-rooted issues that sometimes they don’t even realise they have.

“And you know for me, I’ve had it all, you know even my mom said, oh you know you guys live in a flat, just go to the other room. Why?? Is that part of the marriage vow? That we should marry and stay in separate rooms? I closed off a part of myself to stay in the marriage.”