Singlehood traditionally has long been defined as a state of being unmarried. According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary “It is a state of being Single especially unmarried”.
Not to bore us with dictionary meanings, I would love to bring it closer to us as we all know what being single is because almost every youth in this dispensation is into or has been into a “ROMANTIC” relationship.
While some people are grieving over broken relationships, others are moving from one relationship to the other over the fear of being single.
Singlehood has been labeled “BAD” by the society we live in today. When you say you’re single, people look at you like you’re cursed or unfortunate. In fact, it is unheard of especially when you are in your mid-20s and approaching your early 30s.
In your early twenties, you tend to want to attach yourself to a relationship because it is what is trendy. If you don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend, at that age you are not TRENDY.
In our generation, it is worse because even teenagers are into romantic relationships and it’s a norm.
At this stage, you are just yielding to peer pressure and still get taunted if you are not in a relationship. You hear words like “You are single to a stupor”. Lol
Funny right? But as funny as it seems, it is true.
In your mid 20’s, you get pressure from family. Wedding bells are ringing. You don’t want to get married late. You do not want menopause to catch up with you. All your friends are getting married and it seems like you are the oldest amongst them.
No man is coming from anywhere to ask for your hands in marriage, it seems like you are in this world alone, you are tired of being single. You sulk day and night especially when the pressure is becoming too much.
At some point, depression starts creeping in. You can no longer find yourself anymore You want to run into the arms of any man that comes knocking because you feel that’s what you need at that point in your life.
Then Boom!!! You arrive in your late 20s approaching your early 30s, still no sign of any man, talk less of an engagement ring, what you fear the most is already coming to reality.
You become the topic of discussion for gossipers, people start leaving their own businesses to mind your business, and then you become a prayer point, your pictures now move from one prayer house to the other. (Lol, I can hear you say God forbid. I said so too…)
To avoid all this, you attach yourself to anybody that comes your way to avoid being single and then eventually get married, as sad as it may be, some women try to tie a man down with pregnancy so the man can get married to them because they are tired of the single status.
Different strokes for the male folks
Wonder why it seems like I’m hitting on the woman more? It’s because they go through this a lot. Our male folks can stay without any relationship for a very long time and you don’t hear anybody bother them about going into any relationship.
In fact, they tell you that relationship is stressful and they are looking for money to fend for their families. They call it hustling, which of cause is the right thing a reasonable man should do.
Now, I am not saying going into relationships or getting married is bad. All I am saying is, that it should not be the reason for your living.
Your life shouldn’t revolve around being in a relationship or getting married. It shouldn’t stop you from achieving your goals and improving your personality.
My dear, relationships don’t validate you. Marriage doesn’t either. If you feel like you are bored as a single girl or boy, it would be worse when you get married. If you can’t manage to be single, you can never manage to be married.
Until you realize that you are responsible for your sanity and nobody else, you would continue to feel bored.
Omkar Phatack wrote, “Being single is getting over the illusion that there is somebody out there to complete you, and taking charge of your own life.”
You have to set your ball rolling. Singlehood is a blessing that a lot of us youths today throw away because of misplaced priorities.
There are a thousand and one things you can do while you’re single. Being single isn’t an opportunity to sulk and delve into depression.
Rather, it gives you open access to explore yourself and improve your personality. If you have a flair for writing, it should be an opportunity to build yourself.
If you want to delve into public speaking, it’s an opportunity to build your career. It’s an opportunity to build a niche for yourself, create a brand for yourself, learn a trade, and add value to yourself. Do what gives you Joy the most. Express yourself in the best way you can.
Singlehood Self Examining Questions
With the way the world is going, you would agree with me that no man wants to get married to a liability, and am sure you don’t want to get married to a liability either.
Have you ever taken out time to ask yourself these questions; If I were a man, would I consider getting married to someone like me?
Or if I were a woman, would I get married to someone like me? What value would I add to my spouse after marriage? What would be my contribution to the growth of the home?
If your conscience or your mind is still telling you sex or that you would bear him children, then you have to think again because madwomen have sex and also bear children.
The era of getting married and relying solely on your spouse has long gone extinct. When the bible says we are “HELP MEET,” it doesn’t only mean in the kitchen or the other room.
It also means that we should be able to provide help both psychologically and economically and of course, spiritually.
Now, you are not building your personality because, oh, you want to be able to help your spouse out when you are finally married.
Yes, that’s part of it but it is not the core. You build yourself because you want to be able to affect lives positively. You build yourself because whether you like it or not, people are looking up to you and you don’t want to fail them. You build yourself because you are building a nation.
You work on your personality because there is something that has been deposited in you that you must let out.
Do not say that you have nothing to offer. A friend of mine said something and it struck me. She said, “GOD DOES NOT CREATE JUNKS.” God has placed in every human being (male or female) something significant, to help yourself and of course, help others.
If you fail to realize your purpose and work in that direction while you are single, you would be at the mercy of a lot of people, and you won’t have anyone to blame but yourself.
“Whatever values you give to yourself while you are single, you build on when you are married” – Goodness Douglas
A writer once said “Stop looking for a partner, focus on your goals and rebuild your life. The right person will eventually find their way to you”
Embrace your singlehood. Make the most out of it, because you see, singlehood is just a status and not your destiny.